Deuce Bigalow, Millennial Gigolo: The Ultimate 21st Century Job

Daniel Drew, 6/8/2015

With machines taking over jobs, McDonald's acceptance rates hovering at 6%, and Goldman Sachs analysts falling off apartment buildings, a millennial may wonder where to turn for his next "career." If Uber doesn't interest you, you can apply at the "Rent A Gent" escort agency, the ultimate 21st century job.

The key to success in the new normal is to "go long the 1%" in your investments and your career. In the new American feudalism, it's important to find your 1% master and serve him earnestly - in this case, serve HER earnestly. At Rent A Gent, clients, some as old as 87, pay $200 per hour for the services of a young strapping man. Some clients pay with their husbands' Amex platinum cards. The company and the gent split the money 50/50. They avoid prostitution violations by formally prohibiting sexual contact "on the clock." Good luck enforcing that regulation.

Like so many companies, Rent-A-Gent was founded upon ego and deception. Sara Shikhman, founder of Rent A Gent, explained what inspired her to create the service:

I was the CEO of a $10 million start-up and was going to an event where my ex would be, and I didn't want to go on my own. I searched online for a last-minute date but couldn't find anyone attractive enough on short notice.

A few media outlets decided to experiment with Rent A Gent and report back on their findings. One of these organizations, unsurprisingly, was BuzzFeed, a millennial cesspool of content that epitomizes the dumbing down of society. Rent A Gent's publicist offered a gent to BuzzFeed for free. The gent was Harrison Schultz, a 31-year-old millennial who markets himself on the site as "The Philosopher." Schultz is probably a decent person, but he is also a caricature of everything that is wrong with millennials today. This is his Rent A Gent profile:

I'm one of the organizers of Occupy Wall Street. I am a true sapio-sexual intellectual-activist. Currently finishing my Phd and writing a dissertation on erotic arts, I am an expert in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and erotic hypnosis. Or you can just eat sushi off of my body, up to you.

Harrison explained why he is "working" as a gent: He is $400,000 in debt from student loans and medical expenses for injuries incurred while protesting. Harrison said, "You can't really have a full-time job and really make an impact as an activist. So this is a good way to hopefully make a lot of cash in a little amount of time."

Harrison's experience with college is becoming a familiar story. The labor force participation rate of college graduates has been in a multi-decade downtrend, and the jobs that are available are often of dubious quality. As BuzzFeed reported,

And if our meeting with Harrison and the subsequent launch party taught us very little else about what Rent a Gent is, they made clear that most - if not all - gents view their participation in the service as just one in a series of part-time jobs. Ray does it in addition to his work as a fitness model, Brian on top of working as a comedian and bartender.

Zero Hedge reported earlier that the new normal is nothing less than a "bartender recovery." Now, even the bartenders are looking for side gigs.

So if $100 per hour sounds like a good rate, and if middle-aged divorced women on the rebound sound appealing, maybe a career at Rent A Gent is right for you! However, being a gent is not without its risks. As GQ reported,

According to Shikhman, a woman in Florida recently hired a much younger Gent to stand at the kitchen sink in his boxers, washing dishes, as though he were her new live-in boyfriend. When her ex-husband came to pick up their kids, an argument erupted, and the Gent raced out the back door and hid in the woman's boat.